Touch Of A Hand

When we look at ourselves and our dreams, what is seen? Is the reality we feel part of the dream or is the dream the reality? Perhaps, they are but one and the same. For how can we know reality if we can't see the dream?

The man opened his eyes and looked up at the sky blue ceiling. Hhmmm! Like the sky he thought.

But where am I? Slowly he got out of bed and walked to the door wondering as to where he was, thinking there was a haunting familiarity about this place but he just couldn't place it. He walked down a long hall way and found himself outside looking out over a beautiful lawn that led down to blue waters lapping on a grassy shore line.

Now he seems to remember he is waiting for someone, or could it be something. Not quite sure what he is doing he walks down to the edge of the water and looks around.

He finds he is in a small valley that has an arm of the ocean reaching deep into it. Behind him is a large green lawn, that looks very much like a large meadow full of all kinds of flowers. But everything seems to be in it's proper order.

In the middle of the lawn is a large white building, the building seems to be built into the side of the mountain that raises up behind it.

As he watches he can see many people walking around the lawn talking and laughing, most all are walking hand in hand with someone else. Most he can see are men walking holding the hand of a woman, but now and then he would see a woman holding another woman's hand, or a man holding the hand of a man. All seemed exceedingly happy, no one seemed alone.

As he walked he found himself standing at the waters edge, looking out across it as if waiting for someone or something to happen. He thought here I am in this incredibly beautiful place and I feel so alone. Still he stood and watched and waited.

The boy awoke looking up in to the darkness. The room he slept in had been his for quite some time so there was no question as to where he was. Yet what had just happened to him? A dream? Never had he dreamed one so real, but he was still a boy, he had only been shaving for about a year, then only once or twice a week. Yet in his dream he had been a man, guessing around his mid thirties. The dream had seemed so very real.

He lay there thinking about it until he saw the first light of dawn starting to come in though his window. He got up put his clothes on and walked outside.

Yes he was in the valley he had seen in his dream, but there was no ocean here now, the mountain rose up as it had all of his life behind his house, but he could see no large white building built into its side. Well things like this were usually far from his mind, he had never had a dream like this before and most likely wouldn't again.

The man's head was spinning as he looked around the large lawn. What was happening to him? It was as if he had been gone and now all at once had returned to find himself in a new day. Walking up the large lawn to a pathway paved with small flat stone. The pathway took him into a small ravine in the side of the mountain. Here he found a spring gushing up out of the ground and flowing into a pool of crystal clear water. On either side of the pool there were large square slabs of rock that looked as if they had been placed there for people to use to sit on. As he looked he indeed saw two couples sitting on the rocks talking. But as he watched he felt a touch of panic, and loneliness swept over him. He ran all the way back to the waters edge and again stood looking across it as if waiting for someone to come.

Get off my leg dog, you must be giving me this dream. The boy pushed his bed companion onto the floor. The old dog, a refugee from the dog pound several years ago, just snorted turned around twice, lay down and wert back to sleep. But the boy was wide awake now. What's going on he thought? Two nights in a row I have almost the same dream. I'm a man living in this valley but it's half full of ocean and I seem to be waiting for someone. Oh well so what, so he turned over and went back to sleep. The dream was a little beyond him, things of fantasy were just not his way of life.

What is this place the man thought? I know I belong here but how do I get here and what am I doing here? I don't mind standing here watching the waters coming in and out on the shore, but why do I feel so alone and what is this I'm waiting for? As he stood there looking across the water the air beside him started to shimmer and a light came through. He didn't see her at first because she stepped from the light slightly behind and to the right of him. She was smiling almost laughing like this had been some kind of a big joke, as she reached out and took hold of his hand. He had never in all his time felt anything like her touch. Now he knew why he had been waiting, it was for her to come, to touch his hand and he would never more feel alone. She pulled smiling at him and he followed hand in hand as she led him up, the path that led to the spring. Not a word was said between them, there really wasn't any need.. When they came to the spring she let go of his hand leaving him to sit on the rock on one side of the spring while she crossed over and sat on the other. Never did they take there eyes off one another. As they sat quietly watching, small animals came to the spring to drink. Each one in turn was drawn to the gentleness in the woman and would walk shyly up to touch her hand. She in turn would smile and gently rub their heads. They understood she was total gentleness and love. The man just watched no longer feeling alone and marveled.

The boy came up out of his bed and for the first time that he could remember didn't know where he was. Oh he said I'm in my room must be that old dog woke me again. Then he started to remember his dream. Oh no he thought that dream again, three nights now in a row what does it mean? Then he remembered the woman and the way he had felt when she touched his hand and he started to shake and become confused. How could he be a full grown man walking with a woman, he didn't even have a girl friend. He lay there and waited for the morning light to come, put his clothes on, went out climbed up on the fence for a better view of the mountain and looked for a large white building. And for some funny reason this morning as he stood there in the frosty air he didn't feel alone in the world. He had never really known he had felt that way before, but now he understood, he had felt like half of a pair of twins not knowing where the other twin was. What is this he thought, I must be going nuts, as he got off the fence and walked back to the house. But he brushed his cheek before he went in so the tears that had been there wouldn't show. Later that week he saddled a horse and rode the mountain, looking just in case there might be some sign of a very large old white building. He never found the building or the spring, but there were days when he would come home with his saddle bags full of crystal rock he had found on the side of the mountain.

Years pass and dreams fade away or I should say most dreams, this dream dimmed. But fade away? No! The boy became a man and over the years sometimes in his work and sometimes in his play he would find himself on the mountain. There were times when a funny feeling would come over him, like I have stood in this place before, when? How? Sometimes the old dream would make itself known again from his memories, he would laugh and say how foolish, nothing but a boys dream. But still in the back of his mind whenever he was on the mountain he always kept his eye out for any sign that there had at one time been a large white building there. And whenever he came across a spring on the mountain he would wonder could this be the spring. As for the lady in the dream, there were several ladies in and out of his life over the years. With some of them he felt more alone in their company than when he was by himself. He would hold their hand and be a friend, but never would they touch him as deeply as the Lady who had held his hand in that dream so long ago. So whenever he was on the mountain and thought of her she was always the dream lady, Who are you Lady that you walked so freely through my dreams he would laugh.

Then the day came he went to the mountain and had to search for a lost friend. Most of his life he had been coming here so it was no big thing, why he knew the mountain like the back of his hand. To find a lost friend would be no problem at all. All day he walked, then as day was leaving and dark was getting near he found himself on a part of the mountain he had never seen before. He was tired he could hardly pick one foot up and put it in front of the other, the roots of an old dead tree were close at hand so he sat down to rest. The root he sat on was as large as most of the tree's around him, so he turned and looked up the hill to see where the old tree had fallen. Years in the past lighting had hit the tree, it looked like many times and at last a large wind had taken it to the ground. He turned and looked back at the roots he sat on and saw a small spring bubbling up from among them and running a short distance down the hill before disappearing into the rocks. He was hot and tired and needed a drink so he reached out his hand to gather some water, when his hand touched the water it was like a new feeling of strength come over him. He looked down the hill and saw his lost friend standing just below where the spring disappeared into the rocks. Where a minute before he had been so tire he could hardly walk, now he jumped up and ran down the hill to greet his friend.

Many weeks later he found himself again on the mountain. The morning was sunny and warm and he just lay on a flat rock enjoying the morning and letting his mind float.

Odd he thought so many years ago as a young teenager I had this dream of coming to a spring on this mountain with a lady who when she touched my hand, I was confused beyond understanding and yet when I walked beside her I had never felt less alone. Now I find a spring on this mountain that pulls back the memories of the old dreams. More than ever I wonder what would happen if someday I touched someone's hand and like when I touched the Lady in the dream didn't know who's hand I had touched and felt confusion and at a loss to explain what had happened. Well he thought as he got up to walk off the mountain, some dream for a boy so long ago. Then he laughed where else but in a dream could you touch the hand of an Angel, it's been thirty years and more since the dream so I doubt I will ever touch her hand.

He spun around to see who had spoken, but no one was there. "Man" he thought to himself "I could have sworn someone was behind me and said, it was the day she was born".